I remember an uncomfortable day of recovery in the ICU on Friday and into Saturday morning. I could not get comfortable in the bed and longed for sleep but was frequently awakened by the beeping of life saving machines and painful, confused cries issuing from nearby rooms. When the nurse told me it was time to sit up and bathe myself, I thought she was crazy. The last time I sat up I was passed out in a wheelchair and needed two emergency surgeries. With the help of my husband and a great nursing staff, I spent Saturday recovering in a room on the Labor and Delivery floor. It was bittersweet to say the least. I was mostly just thankful to be alive and wanted to see my children. My family and Blake took the girls to an Easter egg hunt with friends. Blake brought Lily to see me that night after a video chat had brought both girls to tears. There is nothing sweeter than that first hug with your almost four year old daughter after a near death experience. The next day was Easter Sunday. Blake, the girls and my family all went to church to celebrate before coming by the hospital for a much needed visit.
I had hoped to celebrate Easter with my family and friends but was sweetly comforted by the power of Jesus's death and resurrection on my behalf as I sat in that hospital bed thinking over the events of recent days. All total, I received 14 units of blood, 7 units of fresh frozen plasma, and countless bags of fluids and nutrients to bring me back to life. To put this in perspective, a friend who is a nurse practitioner explained that a healthy person my size has 6-8 units of blood in their entire body. That blood saved my life. Truly life is in the blood as the Bible says. I have never been more aware that my life is truly reliant upon the sustaining hand of Jesus and His powerful, life-giving blood. He bled so that I can live. He died, was buried and rose again on the third day that I might have new life in Him. I can live and breathe in joy and freedom today because He rose again. I have no fear of death as the final end to my life because I know Him personally and He lives and my life is hidden in His. When I die, there will be no darkness for me, only the resplendent light of the presence of God, the loving Father who has created, cared for and nourished me all the days of my life. This life is just practice for the life to come. Here I have the opportunity to learn to love God and love others more than myself. I can live by faith and grace and enjoy the good gifts God gives us every day. I am preparing to live forever with my God and a large family of believers that will span all ethnicity, language, and time. Praise Him!
I look forward to that day when I enter that eternal joy but for now I am thankful for His continued sustaining grace that gives me a chance at life here with this lovely family He has placed me in. On Easter Sunday I was visited by a doctor who told me I could eat again for the first time since Thursday morning, a sweet gift and a means of celebration. Monday morning I was blessed to see my doctor again and thanked her for saving my life. I am so thankful for the constant care and careful, thoughtful operations that she performed to keep me alive. She approved me for discharge from the hospital and gave me instructions for the next 4 weeks of recovery which includes a lot of bed rest and the indentured servitude of my husband in caring for the girls and me. Blake, you are my hero. We are so thankful for him!
Blake:
After the last surgery, the next 72 hours were a blur. Jen was in the ICU for another 24 hours, then a regular room for 2 days. I drove back and forth from the hospital to house numerous times to spend some time with the girls. Thanks to Jen's family, we were able to take the girls to an Easter egg hunt on Saturday and to church Sunday morning. Jen was finally released Monday afternoon. She is in for a long recovery in which she won't be able to pick up the girls or stand up/walk for any real length of time for the next month or so. However, we are thrilled to have her home. The girls are so happy to have mommy back, and our lives are starting to return to some semblance of normalcy.
Thank you all for your prayers, texts, meals, flowers, words of encouragement, etc. We have felt incredibly loved through all of this. God has been gracious to let us keep Jen, and He has shown us grace, mercy, and love through all of you.
Jen:
I am so thankful to my Marsha and Tyler and my parents who stepped in as surrogate parents for our girls when my life was ebbing away. I am immensely grateful for my amazing husband who has been dependable, strong, and so very capable through this ordeal. He is the greatest father to our girls and has sacrificed everything to care for them and me through this process. I love him more than ever and can't imagine life without his loving strong hands and kind heart. Recovery is a long hard road but I am so thankful that I am on it. I am thankful for this new day, a new chance at life. Thank you to all our family, friends, and church family who have offered love, meals, prayer, childcare, groceries, etc. We are so humbled by this outpouring of love and in desperate need of your continued support in the weeks ahead. I am thankful for the all the people who gave their blood so that I could live. Thank You Jesus for giving Your blood to cover over all my sins and wash me clean again.
My heart if absolutely broken that this body will not grow more precious babies. Our dreams of having a biological son to carry on the family name or more little sisters that look like Lily and Eden to laugh and play with have been shattered. But God. But God has given us more than we deserve in these heartbeats and breath and bodies that live and move and have their being in Him. He has given us two beautiful little girls by His grace and goodness. He has given us hands and hearts to love and serve and care for the least of these - children who have no one to love them, no families to care for or raise them in love and truth. He has given us an opportunity to minister and relate to in a new and personal way to our beloved friends who walk the lonely, aching road of infertility. I have had two miscarriages in the past four years. My precious babies are in a real place called Heaven and they will only ever know glory, wholeness, beauty, and resplendent light. No tear will fill their eyes, nor pain grip their bodies. My soul will meet theirs in glory and together we will worship the King forever with joy and love. As for the rest of us, we don't know what the future holds for us here in this life but we are thankful for each day He gives us together. I am looking forward to the memories we will make and getting to enjoy life with these incredible people. Thank you for your prayers and support. We are blessed beyond measure and that is more than enough.
Ephesians 3:11- 21
"This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord, 12 in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him. 13 So I ask you not to lose heart over what I am suffering for you, which is your glory.
14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family[c] in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being,17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen."
No comments:
Post a Comment