Approval Junkies Anonymous

Jennifer's the name. People pleasing's my game. This could have been my life motto for the past twenty some odd years. I have spent countless hours fretting over the possibility of offending someone, making someone cry, or worse -- causing someone not to like me. Although I have had moments of bravery, I think it is fair to say that, more often than not, I have stayed silent when I should have spoken up. I have hidden the truth to propagate so-called peace and unity. I have squeezed my conscience into submission while I walked on egg shells around those that I feared would explode with volcanic force at the slightest sound of truth from my lips. In short, I've been a coward. 

As pretty as I can paint my cowardice with words like tolerant, acquiescent, or meek, the reality is that my decision to hide truth often has resulted in sinful behaviors and patterns flourishing, either in my life or that of friend. The life of a people-pleaser is exhausting-- the constant weight of caring about what everyone else thinks and feels and realizing that you ultimately have little or no control over most of those situations is overwhelming. 

Over and over again, I fell to my knees in prayer asking God to help me take control over my emotions, not understanding why I couldn't handle the responsibility I felt I had been given to juggle all the people in my life and their problems. It has only been in the last two to three years that God has slowly opened my eyes to His plan for me. He doesn't want me to try harder, nor does He require that I perfect myself to meet the approval of those around me.

His call to me is simple: "Abide in Me." 

When fears assail me, He calls to me, "Abide in Me." 

When He calls me to speak up but my flesh wants to flee, He calls to me, "Abide in Me." 

When I am lonely and afraid of rejection, He calls to me, "Abide in Me." 

Fear of failure. Fear of abandonment. "Abide in Me."

Fear of contempt. Fear of ridicule. "Abide in Me."

I am learning that as I take Him at His Word and abide in His love and His truth, my fears dissipate and my loneliness leaves me alone with my Father. In the shadow of His wings, fear takes flight and the peace of knowing that He is the King and Judge and Love grips my heart. I will speak truth in love because He is the to whom I will give an account. I will treat others with love and respect without compromising my beliefs because His approval is what I am seeking. I will abide in His Word and meditate on His character because He is worthy of all praise and is my Peace. 

God, please set my approval junkie heart on pilgrimage towards Your Kingdom for Your pleasure and praise. Guard my steps and set a sure path beneath my feet as I seek to trust in Christ's efficient grace. Amen.