Disaster Area

Yesterday, when Blake came home from work, he saw it. A bright orange paper with "CAUTION! Disaster Area - Enter at your own risk." was taped to our front door. I was standing at the washing machine, throwing another load of clothes in the dryer and stealthily watching the door, waiting for his arrival. The lock clicked out of place as the door knob turned slowly round. I waited for his reaction. There was a brief smirk while he quickly removed the paper and set his briefcase down. Heaven forbid our neighbors see that wacky note and think some serious disaster had befallen our family, or, worse yet, that they see the aftermath of Thursday that covered our living room. At least 50 toys lay strewn all over the carpet. Less than two feet away, stood a forlorn toy chest, lid ajar. The toy trail stretched not so silently across the room to the sitting area. Piles of clean, unfolded laundry spanned two cushions on the large green sofa. A spiral notebook containing my hand-written, page-long, to-do list, accompanied by a pen, free magazines, junk mail, and an unpaid bill occupied the third and last cushion on that couch.

Four diaper boxes, a storage tub, and 2 baskets, filled to the brim and beyond with baby clothes adorned the floor in front of the couches. The smaller of the two couches housed the sorted contents of one box of tiny shirts, hats, pajamas, and socks. In the corner of the room, piles of fresh fabric reminded me of the new scarves and fashions I had planned to sew for my fall collection on my Etsy site. Meanwhile, here was food on the tray of the baby's high chair, dirty dishes in the sink, clean dishes in the dishwasher, crumbs and cheerios on the floor which kept migrating into the living room. The bathroom counter was covered with toiletries - deodorant, makeup, toothpastes, hair bows, lotion, aloe, bath toys, fresh pull-ups, an empty baby wipes bag, and a half empty roll of toilet paper. Every surface begged to be cleaned with hot soapy water and bleach. I could hear the germs mocking me. Our bed had become to all the clean folded laundry that could not be put in my dresser due to the storage tubs and massive layers of clothes that sat in front of the once easily opened drawers.

Loose papers, unopened mail, broken toys, a discarded beaded necklace, a bottle of bubbles, etc., etc. I won't even mention the girls' rooms or the closets. Too much stuff! So much to do! Was my life a disaster? A failure? Inside and out, I was spent and stressed out. Overwhelmed. Defeated. Done. There was simply too much to do and not enough time to do it all. Blake always helps around the house with the kids, with dishes, laundry, taking out the trash, and taking care of the yard.  Blake works hard at his job and grad school work. I work from home around 20-25 hours per week while I tend to the needs, fears, boo boos, giggles, stares, screams, fights, frustrations, hunger, and dreams of my three year old and 1 year old daughters.  I opened an Etsy shop at the beginning of the year to sell pretty chiffon scarves which I had recently learned how to sew. It has been a creative outlet for me from the otherwise routinely loud and busy life I live. But who has time for things like that? Maybe if I had a nanny or a house keeper or a life coach, I could accomplish more in a day and have time left over after all the chores, cleaning, cooking, child care, and work responsibilities to draw, paint, write a novel, or sew scarves (all of which I really love to do).

Or maybe not. Life will always have the potential for chaos, for crazy, for full, unrelenting schedules. Perhaps the lesson to learn is not how to juggle it all and smile for Pinterest in the process. Maybe the secret of life is in the enjoyment of every day - be it mundane or chaotic, ordinary or unusual. Whether it is taking time to get on the floor and tickle my kids and drink in their infectious laughter or closing my eyes during nap time for five minutes while I savor a chai green tea and an oreo, the magic is in the little moments. The wisdom that is pursuing me is beckoning me to love with all my heart, to give generously, to hold my possessions loosely and my family tightly, and to remember that the chores can wait. My children will not care that there were always dishes in our sink, clothes all over the couch, or toys all over the floor. They will remember the laughs, the games, and impromptu water fights in the back yard, reading together, and family hugs. 

Tonight, as I typed this post and hung out with my children, my three year old cleaned up her toys while eating a few fallen Cheerios off of the carpet. My 1 year old sat beside me on the couch pulling clean clothes from a pile I hadn't folded yet onto herself, over her head, and laughing. I don't want to miss the beauty of these moments because I am stressed out about the housework or my responsibilities. God has given us our work and possessions to use, share, and enjoy. This weekend and hereafter, I am choosing to love, give, and laugh instead of complaining, whining, or stressing over these gifts He has given me. There will be grace and forgiveness extended to me in the moments I fail and forget these truths. There will be a bountiful harvest of love and sweet memories to reap from the days that I remember to wonder at the gifts around me. May grace and peace fill our hearts and homes as we choose to find joy in the wonders He has placed all around us.